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Take me back to bobby socks, baby!  Only in this scenario, let's envision what a modern meld of Republican Republic social engineering and their nostalgia for an idealized 1950s would get us.  Follow me back in time and into the conservative mind...

You know those freaky celebrity meld pictures of Paris Hilton and say...Meryl Streep?  Well, let's consider the result we get when we cross Conservative nostalgia for an idealized portrait of the 1950s with their current insane policy prescriptions. Warning: This is Scary!

1950s Nostalgia Point:  Everyone was happily married and doing just dandy!

Current Policy Problem:  Single mothers need to marry their way out of poverty.

Insane Policy Hyperbole?  A six month tax credit for pregnant single mothers to marry themselves out of poverty on Match.com or the dating service of their choice.  We'll call it a "Marriage Opportunity Voucher."

1950s Nostalgia Point: People were heterosexuals, damn it!  

Current Policy Problem:  These gay, meth selling masseuses are seducing our finest!  Damn Hollywood liberals...

Insane Policy Hyperbole?  Use their liberal hippie jujitsu mediation to "visualize yourself straight."

1950s Nostalgia Point:  We were a white nation, damn it!

Current Policy Problem:  All these illegal immigrants are taking over our country and stealing our jobs!

Insane Policy Hyperbole? Make them marry all of our single mothers, who also happen to be ruining our country!

1950s Nostalgia Point:  Remember when marriage was between a man and his obedient, obsequious and self-medicating wife?

Current Policy Problem:    These Gays are RUINING Marriage!

Insane Policy Hyperbole?   Then let's ruin single life.  Enact a ban on birth control!

1950s Nostalgia Point:  The black people are out to get us!

Current Policy Problem:   The brown people are out to get us!

Insane Policy Hyperbole?  They are all out to get us!

1950s Nostalgia Point: I need to work to "put food on my family."

Current Policy Problem: Passive Income!  Dividends!  Inheritance!

Insane Policy Hyperbole? Someone ELSE needs to work to "put food on my family."

1950s Nostalgia Point:  Everyone used to go to church on Sundays!

Current Policy Problem: Everyone goes to the mall on Sundays!

Policy Prescription: Let them worship their false God.  "Will you be putting that Golden Calf on your Visa card today?"

1950s Nostalgia Point: That Elvis Presley is ruining music and corrupting our youth!

Current Policy Problem: That Puff Daddy guy is ruining music and corrupting our youth!

Policy Prescription: That Puff Daddy guy is sampling tracks, RUINING Elvis and corrupting our youth!

1950s Nostalgia Point: Those Commie Pinko Bastards are going to take over the world and get us!  We need to invade Vietnam!

Current Policy Problem: Those Islamo-fascists are going to take over the world and get us!  We need to invade Iraq!

Policy Prescription: Never mind, it already happened.  

Really, it is only when you use their twisted logic and fantastical thinking against them that you can truly understand the insanity of what the Republican Republic party wants this country to look like.

But I am sure it doesn't end here.  Feel free to add your own in the comments.  

Originally posted to theKK on Sat Feb 10, 2007 at 01:44 PM PST.

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